Kathy missed her first sunset on Saturday, June 10, 2023, after spending the last 18 months living it up since her diagnosis. Her final hurrah included the leg wrestling finals at a Festivus celebration in Syracuse, floating in the Saint Lawrence River off Calumet Island, and seeing about a dozen live music shows with friends and family. (Her brother Dave and I managed only ZZ Top; I sure wish we could all live as long and hard as Billy Gibbons.) She also toured Quebec City with her mother Carol and sister Melinda (promoted from sister-in-law), set the cancer patient record for steps in NYC, and soaked in the hot springs and relaxed under the northern lights of Iceland.
One of the good things about a stomach cancer diagnosis is the sheer number of nurses, doctors, and medical techs you get to meet. Kathy is definitely a people person. She got to charm and tell jokes to so many people over the past year and a half. She could endlessly draw on her encyclopedic knowledge of classic movies like “Caddyshack” and “Blazing Saddles” - an education from time spent with her dad, John, that was etched more deeply than anything studied at BU. No amount of pain or industrial-strength legally prescribed drugs could slow down that charm offensive.
Believe it or not, Kathy had a strong moral compass and sense of propriety. (Probably inherited from her mother’s side who crossed the pond on the next boat after the Mayflower - not full Puritans, but up there undoubtedly.) So, she had a healthy dose of proper, perhaps, but without even a trace of prim. It’s that zero prim trait that was more outwardly noticeable. Kathy was the funniest of the Kogut clan and not at all shy (except about getting her picture taken). The brave photographers who made it past her defenses usually got a shot that showed life just glowing out of her.
In the early 90s Kathy lived in a basement in Manlius, NY. (Full disclosure, this “basement” had a pool table, bar, and exit to the backyard through which she could smuggle her friends and whatever cheap alcohol they consumed. Wine coolers, Natty Lights? Shawn will have to correct me.) These were the formative years spent with her mother that led to their lifetime of traveling and concert-going. Kathy takes credit for turning Carol into a cool mom.
Among Kathy’s favorite things were dogs (especially Bailey, Murphy, and Finn), dark beer (sometimes with disgusting flavors like cotton candy, but we all have our vices), floating in a river (Lake of the Isles was a favorite), true crime documentaries, and hanging out in dog parks in Jamaica Plain with her crew of dog moms. Kathy worked as a video editor, webcast producer, cheese monger, House of Blues bouncer?, college DJ, and free-style wedding videographer. She was an expert après-skier, dog sitter, concert-goer, and all-around fun generator.
As for what to do in the event of her death, I’ll paraphrase the movie “Say Anything.” She didn’t want any somber memorializing or weeping in order to process emotions. She didn’t like the process of weepy memorials or having anyone’s memories of her be weepy emotional processing. Kathy would like you to think of her when doing some of the things she loved whether it be jumping up and down at a concert, playing with a dog, or floating down a river while chatting with your friends. If you feel compelled to honor her with a gift, she loved the Northeast Animal Shelter (https://secure.northeastanimalshelter.org/donations/general) and the Guinness Brewery (https://www.guinness.com/en-us) -- both worthy causes.
