To The Editor:
Leave a car window open and the next thing you know it’s filled with zucchinis. Go off for an honest game of racquetball in the morning and when you come back at noon there’s a bag of monster carrots hanging from your door knob. Monster carrots! These are the carrots that ate the Bronx!
What’s going on here – and let’s call it by its real name – Radical Veggie Terrorism, that’s what it is, folks ... that’s what is. Well I am calling for an immediate ban on all foreign veggies coming into our Valley until we can figure out what the hell is going on!
I knew this would happen. I called it long ago. That’s why I have always been for concealed trowel carry in Vermont. You see one of these outlaw veggies and wham, out comes the trowel and out comes the veggie. You may not know that it’s a Radical Veggie Terrorist – let’s call it by its real name, folks – until it’s out in the open and lying dead there at your feet, but a dead veggie is a safe veggie, I always say ... and I’ve always said that, by the way ... always, no matter what the lying liberal media tell you.
And remember this, my opponent is planning to take away your trowels ... that’s right, take them right away. Well, maybe we’ll see what the trowel amendment people have to say about that. Anyway, I’ve always said that a trowel society is a safe society.
Believe me ... believe me.
Leo Cohen
Fayston
