While this year winds down I've been reflecting on the second anniversary of the Mad River Valley Stand Up for Safety Campaign. You’ve seen the posters in the bathrooms offering assistance to people experiencing gender-based violence (which is the over-arching term for sexual assault, harassment, domestic violence, stalking, human trafficking, and more). I look back at the campaign, and I am incredibly proud that, to our knowledge, we are the first community in the country to launch such a program. But then I look around at my community’s ambivalence and lack of action and get very angry.
As someone who works in the gender-based violence field my goal is to always protect victims/survivors. Within that, it means often abusers are also protected because we cannot speak of them. I see abusers/offenders who are well known and “loved” in the community, who hold positions of power in their employment and status, the ones that many know have done such heinous and life-altering acts. They continue to be celebrated and propped up. I know that in most public spaces I enter there are victims/survivors and abusers/offenders. Personally, when I see these abusers/offenders, my blood starts to boil, my anxiety goes up, and I want to flee, and these aren’t people who have harmed me personally. Imagine how a victim/survivor feels when they see their abuser/offender in public, in the paper, or drive by their business. We are a community of complacency in not standing up, as our campaign would suggest, and we continue to support abusers/offenders which is sending a message that we don’t support victims/survivors.
The question becomes, what do we do with this? How do we support victims/survivors and hold abusers/offenders accountable? First and foremost, we must start by believing when someone discloses harm that has happened to them. EVAWI, End Violence Against Women International, which I happen to be on the board of, started the Start By Believing Campaign over 10 years ago with one simple concept: When a victim of sexual violence discloses to you, believe them, and ask how you can support them. By doing this, you are showing your support, allowing the victim to process and start to take back their agency as they make decisions as to reporting, seeking services, and creating a plan. It is one of the first steps in taking their power back. To learn more about this campaign, visit https://startbybelieving.org/.
Historically speaking, and from my own experience, I know how frightening it is to disclose to someone and how devastating it is when, instead of being believed, we are questioned, discredited, and shunned. We hear phrases like, “But they are such a nice person, there’s no way they could do that,” or “Well what did you expect you were alone with them,” or “Maybe if you didn’t dress that way,” or “why didn’t you leave the relationship sooner.” Comments like this put a victim/survivor into an even more vulnerable place where they don’t speak or seek services and help. When we Start By Believing people, it allows them to be supported and start the life-long healing process.
Part of supporting victims/survivors is also asking them how they want to move forward. Do they want this information to be made public? If they don’t, we as supporters must hold what they have shared privately, speaking of it to no one. If they do want it to be known in the community, or if it is public information because of a legal case (which is the case for many of the abusers/offenders walking around in our community), how we speak to this matters greatly. Small communities are gossip factories, and while we may want to put the offenders on blast, we must protect the victims/survivors and their loved ones. We need to make sure we are not discussing these matters in public places where other victims/survivors may be listening and be triggered, protect the identity of victims by not using real names or identifiers and not going into voyeuristic details. In doing this with great care, we work to ensure victims/survivors are protected while calling out to the abusers in our community.
At the very least, I ask you to do two things: educate yourself and others about gender-based violence. A great comprehensive resource is RAINN, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, www.rainn.org. My other ask is to stop supporting and celebrating people in this community who are abusers/offenders. The Mad River Valley has hidden these things under the rug for way too long, not wanting to paint a bad picture of our bucolic little community. I ask that we become a community that actually stands up.
In closing, to any victims/survivors who may be reading this. There are many community members ready to stand beside you and support you. In fact, this article came out of conversations with various people. We see you; we believe in you; we are you, and we will stand in support and solidarity with you. If you are looking for resources or support, may I offer MOSAIC located in Barre 802-479-5577 and nationally RAINN 1-800-656-4673.
Anna Nasset
Stand Up Resources
Waitsfield, VT
