Wind: 0 mph
To The Editor:
The following is a dispatch from the Minot With the Flow, a North Dakota local newspaper.
Several international duck racers from the winter training camp here met a tragic end recently. A group of young racers decided to "push the envelope," a familiar attitude in athletic circles.
In the dead of the night, they left their camp at Minot and flew under their own power, rather than swimming, over the tundra to Churchill. According to one of their nest mates, these ducks were certain that severe training conditions would better prepare them for the uncertain weather in the Mad River Valley, site of the world famous Amazing Duck Race.
These young ducks swam and raced each other in the frigid waters of Churchill, known in the past for its ice floes and polar bears. Not being fully adapted to the conditions, these hardy athletes wore wetsuits for protection from the cold.
It was apparent that after a particularly grueling long-distance swim, the ducks clambered out onto the ice floe to rest and enjoy a corn roast. Unfortunately, as they rested, a polar bear with a ferocious appetite due to global warming climbed up onto the same floe. Not recognizing a duck in a wetsuit, the bear assumed that all these creatures were seals, his favorite dinner, and proceeded to eat them.
Forensic experts found traces of feathers, bits of wetsuits and chewed beaks. They also found a rotund polar bear sleeping off his feast.
Out of respect for the ducks' ill-judged efforts, the International Duck Racing Committee has asked that the Mad River Valley Rotary Club have one minute of silence to honor the deceased competitors at the Quack Snack following the international race.